Maps, and why you should love them more

I'm going to recommend watching the BBC4 series 'Maps: Power, Plunder and Possession" even before I've seen it, because I love maps and everything about them - the artistry, the politics, the sense of a place frozen in time and space, the unreality of them, and the sheer human arrogance of marking out possession on the unstable crust of a spinning metal ball in the middle of nowhere.

I use maps all the time in my work, in my life, probably a lot more than most people do because I use them as a canvas for my tours and treasure hunts. Wandering the city streets holding a 1:2500 printout marked with arcane signs and arrows is a common theme in my professional life, but I also use maps for the things other people use them for - going to work, going to the pub, finding the hotel, etc etc.

Aside from anything else, I have a terrible sense of direction so I rely on maps an awful lot. And the most interesting contention that the series makes is that the modern map, the one we think of as normal and the most obvious way to represent the world, is anything but. So I'm going to watch it and see how that happened, and I recommend that you do the same.

Clearly it's on at some stupid time of night, so catch up with it on iPlayer. Silly television.

http://bbc.co.uk/i/s2wvh/

Those who are about to drink salute you.

Jon Hyman, a dear dear man. A legend, indeed. And a man whose 30th birthday I can't attend. Unlike everyone else, however, I do at least know how to get there. Because it's my job to know where everything is in the City of London. Especially the pubs.

You see, Corney & Barrow on Masons Avenue is one of the hardest places to find in the entire City of London. Even if you’re looking.
 
According to multimap, streetmap AND googlemaps, Masons Avenue DOESN’T EXIST. 
 
Look them up. There’s nothing there. Mostly because it's a pedestrian alley, but also partly, I like to think, as a way of deterring the uninitiated from exploring its many hidden treasures.
 
As a gift to those attending, but especially to Mr Hyman, and by way of an apology for my inability to attend his birthday feastings, here is a short guide to getting to Masons Avenue:
 
From Moorgate station – take a left, or right, depending on which exit you choose. In fact, there’s a distinct possibility you’ll come out in totally the wrong place - the dreaded third exit. If you’re on a main road, you’re in luck. If not, come out of the station, cross the road, follow the road ahead until you’re on Moorgate itself, and proceed as above.
 
When you’re on Moorgate, head south. This will either be right or left. If you pass London Metropolitan University, you’re doing well. If you pass Hotel Chocolat, you should turn round.
Cross at the traffic lights, continue down Moorgate, and take a right between two almost completely characterless office buildings, one of which has a bar at the ground floor called “the Gable”. At the end of this alley, cross Coleman Street, and to the right of no.30, there is another alleyway, almost inconceivably obscure. This is Masons Avenue.
 
Now, from Bank Station. Come out anywhere you like. All the exits are in pretty much the same place, and walking around underground is very unhealthy. Wherever you emerge, look for the statue of a man on a horse in the middle of the junction. To his right (not yours, his) is a building with no windows on the ground floor. This is a good thing, as it’s the Bank of England and they don’t want the likes of you snooping around.
 
At the end of the Bank, turn right into Princes Street. At the end of that, go left-ish into Gresham Street, take the first right into Coleman Street  and then turn left just after Coffee Republic, into Masons Avenue.
 
And finally, from St Pauls station. Depending on which exit you use, there will be an obscenely hideous octagonal office building either across the road or to your right. If it’s to your right, cross the road to the other exit. It’s too horrid to look at up close. From here, you should walk along past a shiny glass office building, past the COSTA, past EAT, Starbucks and Pret, and take a left at the traffic lights onto King Street. At the end are some traffic lights. Go right, take the first left into Basinghall Street, and Masons Avenue is on your right, just after the VITA café.
 
Good luck to you all, birthday wishes to Mr Jon, and adieu.